Eve's

-a closure-

It took me a long time to finally decide to write again. why? maybe i’m afraid of the vulnerability it might bring. It just didn’t seem like i’ve got any words. because i felt empty.

I met someone 3 years back. It was wonderful and passionate. It was new, it almost seem like a stranger that I was trying to get to know. He made me look at the world different. He was hilarious. Someone who got me intrigued. 
He did felt like the one.

We were so similar but so different at the same time. Then came the struggles. The pain to try to understand what was wrong. The strength to go through the pain. The love to bring out the strength. Whatever happened to that unconditional, unfailing love.

and every time it fell, i chose to wipe off the dirt but never really cleaning the wound. Now there’s an infection.

Simplicity was a goal. That simple love. simple solutions. simple answers. But humans are drawn to complexity. We don’t just want to see a clear blue sky, we want to see orange, pink, blue, gray and cloudsssss. It got me thinking. How could someone create something so complex and yet so simple. so what is simple?

If anyone ever knew me, it was him.

I saw myself. the good and the bad through him. The bad was of course hard to be honest about because there’s shame and fear that comes with it. That maybe, because of the bad, you’re not worthy of love.
this was a tough time to go through. It was also a time for self discovery. It was so easy to be sucked into an emotional breakdown. I did. I stopped.

We started a journey together. One that involved many sacrifices, a big test to our ability to compromise and improve. I guess it did not work out.

My label is precious to me. It’s my heart and soul. I am blessed to be able to do what i love and that things have been going well. But I must admit, it’s hard, and it does get lonely sometimes. I immersed myself into this and I started to think. What is my ultimate goal in life. LIFE.

I got a very clear answer: i want to be a great and fun mom.

This very sentence explains it all and will be the core of my life. I had to be better, to be an inspiration, to be happy for my child. What’s painful right now is that i seem to be in slow mo, and I may not have enough time. This may sound absolutely absurd to some, but i truly believe the real meaning of life comes only when you are responsible for another. we may agree to disagree.

I’m tired of the blame game. It is destructive.

We were all designed for struggle, all we need is someone to hold and tell us “you’re imperfect, but you’re worthy”. And that someone could very well, just be yourself.

I wish for love and happiness because that is what inspires.

<3 

peace.